the day we didn’t wake up

Los gatos were missing this Tuesday. The bus didn’t pick me up this Tuesday. I’ve seen no moving cars this Tuesday. I’ve seen no person this Tuesday.

Los gatos are the men who hide in the bushes. Los gatos is the name I gave them. But only I know that name and now you. Los gatos hide from the sun, not from predators. Los gatos I see every day because I ride my bike past them. They are sometimes more like cats than cats. I know cats. I grew up with cats. Cats kept my abuela from being lonely. She’s dead now, so the cats are lonely.

Los gatos are not scary men doing scary things in the shadows. Los gatos are working men like my father. Working in places other than offices. Yards. Warehouses. Construction sites. They have no break rooms with shade and air conditioning. The sun is always staring at them in Los Angeles.

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The sun is staring at me now. I’m outside the front door of the shipping and logistics company where I move freight around. The door’s locked. I look through the tinted glass door. I can’t see Ashanti. I can usually see Ashanti chewing on her pencil at the front desk. I can still see her mug that says, “Ssshhh…There’s wine in here.”

I’m very sweaty because I had to ride my bike from Boyle Heights to Baldwin Hills, because the bus never showed up. I didn’t want to be late for work. I’m really late for work. I call my boss on his cell phone. My heart’s going really fast because he told me to only call his cell phone if it’s an emergency. I leave him a voicemail that it’s an emergency.

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I bike home to take care of another emergency. Home is where I can use the bathroom. I feel funny peeing in bushes. I don’t want to pee where los gatos take their breaks. After I pee a long pee in the bathroom, I see my mom and dad’s car in the driveway and I see their door is closed. They’re usually at work at this hour. I leave for work in the morning before they wake up.

I enter their bedroom and they’re still sleeping but they’re not making a sound. My dad makes sounds because he snores. But not today. I shake my dad to wake up. I shake my mom. They don’t wake up.

“MOM!!! DAD!!!” I say.

They don’t wake up. I feel their wrists and I feel a pulse. I call 9-1-1 but no one answers. I start calling everyone in my phone but no one answers. I start shouting and crying but my mom and dad don’t wake up. The cats are all coming into the bedroom now. Someone once told me six cats were too many for our house. That someone hated cats.

Our six cats arrange themselves in two neat rows lining the doorway. It’s like they’re waiting for red carpet to roll out between them. They lie down and a shadow stretches from the doorway to my feet. My tears are dry now so I can see. I can see a cat the size of my father. Large green eyes. And fiery fur. The Cat of All Cats stops in the middle of our six cats. I can see our cats are not just lying down; they are submitting to it.

“I wish everyone would leave me alone so I can draw.” I hear my voice in my head. I don’t understand why.

You said that yesterday,” a different voice says in my mind. A woman’s voice. And I believe it’s the Cat of All Cats.

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Sí, es mi voz. You said that yesterday when you were feeding a bug to your abuela’s favorite cat. You were tired of working in the warehouse and tired of helping your parents around the house. All you wanted to do was work on your graphic novel. So I made your wish come true, because what your abuela never told you was that her favorite cat is my acolyte. And when you give my acolyte a sacrifice—even a little bug—it’s a big deal because you’re calling upon me to answer your desire.”

I see the Cat of All Cats watching me, waiting for me to say something. I wonder if it will eat me while it’s clawing me or eat me after it kills me. I see my parents are not moving. I see Los Angeles outside is not moving. I begin to feel sick. I begin to feel like crying again.

You understand now. Yes. Nobody woke up today because of you. You got your wish so you can draw more of your graphic novel.”

“I don’t want to draw right now. I want everyone to wake up.”

The Cat of All Cats licks her paw and looks at it a moment, and then looks at me and sends another message to my mind, “Sure. But it’s going to take a bigger sacrifice to wake up the whole world.”

Whole. World.

Did you think only Los Angeles was affected by your spell?”

I wonder if the cat is lying but don’t know if cats can lie. “What do we do?” I ask.

You mean, ‘What do you do?’ Easy. Kill a man for me. His name is Galen Gorry.

I think I must be dreaming. I think I must wake myself up, so everyone else will wake up too. I feel myself grimacing as I walk past the Cat of All Cats. I imagine a flash of lightning if it swipes at me. I imagine my stomach gushing open. But the gigantic green eyes just track me when I walk past it.

I jump into bed so I can fall asleep in this dream and then wake up in the real world. I close my eyes. I get comfortable. I stay like this but I cannot fall asleep. And I cannot be alone. I open my eyes and the Cat of All Cats is standing over me. I feel uncomfortable being watched by a five-foot cat so I turn away and look at the wall where I’ve pinned all the pages of my graphic novel.

You wouldn’t have to do anything at all. Put a pillow over his face. Maybe drown him in a bathtub. He’s not going to struggle. He’s in a coma like everyone,” the Cat of All Cats says in my mind. “He’s a dangerous man—Galen Gorry. Believe me. You don’t want to meet him when you’re awake.”

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“I—I don’t want to kill anyone.”

You killed a bug for me.”

Our cats climb into my bed. I look at my abuela’s favorite cat. I see it represents something bigger than itself. I look at the wall of my art and storytelling. I see it represents something bigger than itself. I start to understand how this works, this magic the Cat of All Cats is talking about. I do have to make a bigger sacrifice than the first one.

So the world can wake up.

So I can have a world again.

I take my graphic novel pages off the bedroom wall.

Stop!” the Cat of All Cats says. “Put those back.”

In the kitchen, I turn on the four burners of the gas stove and I drop my graphic novel on the blue crowns of fire.

You’ll lose your greatest work!” the Cat of All Cats cries.

Pages curl. Flames chew through them, bite on edges, turn my story and artwork into black memories. I open the window. A breeze comes in. The Cat of All Cats disappears as gradually as the smoke does.

Los gatos are back in the bushes on their 10-minute breaks. I am back in the warehouse moving freight around. My mom and dad are back on their feet and working again. My graphic novel is not back. It is still ashes. I am in bed now, remembering the next page I was going to create.

Someone calls but I don’t know the number glowing on my phone. I don’t answer. A few minutes later, my phone chimes with a voicemail. I play it. It’s a man’s voice:

“Everyone lost a day but no one knows why they were in comas. But I know. And I know what you did to help us. It was brave and you spared my life. Not everyone would have done that, and that’s because you’re not just anyone. Do you think an Egyptian cat goddess visits everyone in east L.A.? Yeah, your graphic novel’s gone, but your imagination isn’t. If you’re curious, I can help you use it to create things that no fire can destroy. It’s true I’m dangerous. Bastet wasn’t lying about that. But I’m not dangerous to you. And as for her, I doubt you’ll be seeing her again unless you want to. This number I’m calling from is a pay phone. I’ll call you from my phone after you start sharing your artwork online. It’s too good to simply pin on your bedroom wall. Then we’ll take it from there. Goodbye.”

My abuela’s favorite cat jumps onto my bed when the voicemail finishes. She’s purring. I pick her up and put her outside my room.

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I have work to do now. I turn on the scanner and begin digitizing my drawings.

— C.Z. from Boyle Heights

Ξ

Art and magic are no different. But we are.

tamil_om

We wrote the 5 mysteries.

We’re from another world.

not her art gallery, not anymore

“That’s her favorite art gallery—I’m not going there anymore,” I’d tell myself despite Corey Helford Gallery exhibiting artists I enjoy like Billy Norrby, Camille Rose Garcia, Herakut, Silvia Ji, and Martin Wittfooth.

I said that for a long time. I wouldn’t even drive within half a mile of her West L.A. apartment after our breakup. And she lived on Venice Blvd. Magnetic repulsion made Washington Blvd my best friend for a while.

Two weeks ago, I told myself, “that was her favorite gallery—and it still could be—but I want to go again,” because Martin Wittfooth was presenting his new series The Archaic Revival and I’d never seen his paintings in person. I’d seen scanned images online, shrunken to display on my computer and my phone. I wanted to view his oil paintings in four dimensions, in real time, in an environment I could inhabit. And I wanted to be free of the mythology that Corey Helford Gallery was hers somehow, when it was for anyone curious about pop surrealist, low brow, street and contemporary art.

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I brought F.A. who lived through the mystery, You have until Friday

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“Herald,” my favorite piece

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— Q.D. from Culver City, CA

Ξ

Art and magic are no different. But we are.

tamil_om

We wrote the 5 mysteries.

We’re from another world.

a clean confession about Tarfest

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Saber-toothed cats, dire wolves, and mammoths did not go to Tarfest 40,000 years ago even though they were in the neighborhood. Tarfest only had its 14th annual celebration of music and art this past Saturday.

Accompanied by F.A. who wrote the first-person account, you have until Friday, I attended to support the galleries LAUNCH LA and KP Projects.

Support did not mean we bought art, because as artists, writers, musicians, photographers we can also support the aforementioned galleries by simply being there. “My presence is my contribution,” a mindfulness instructor once shared with me. And I have found it to be true in any situation. In the context of art and art institutions, that has been my continuing contribution—to show up and view the art in person, and also to show up to the opening reception and meet the artists.

Over the years, my contribution took other forms such as arts journalism or blogging about art (as I am doing now) and also sharing art I love on social media, so that others can glimpse why I might be drawn to a piece—”glimpse” being a deliberate word choice as no one can really “see” art online and feel the full power, texture, and scope of the creation. There are ridges of paint that get flattened when digitized. There are colors that wake up only when bathed in daylight or the lighting in a gallery. There are pieces of art that can dwarf an iPhone or a computer screen. No, online only a JPEG can be seen, not the art itself—which was all the more reason we visited the tents with curated art by KP Projects, formerly Merry Karnowsky Gallery.

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I’ve been visiting and writing about Merry’s gallery for years so I recognized art by Tara McPherson, Shepard Fairey, Victor Castillo, Mark Whalen, Greg ‘Craola’ Simkins. What I wasn’t familiar with was another Tarfest sponsor, NOMAD: “a printmaking studio and art compound located north of Echo Park in Frogtown. Its vision is to serve the community as a catalyst for creative collaboration and offers space for filming, photo shoots, workshops and special events that does screen printing.”

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The music stage featured guests chosen by Kevin Bronson of Buzz Bands LA: Dear Boy (headliner), Durand Jones & The Indications, Brit Manor, BRAEVES. Dublab also provided DJ sets from Ale, Mitchell Brown, T- Kay, Slayron, Seano.

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Dance performances by Clairobscur Dance Company, Move The World Dance Activism, and the DIAVOLO Institute happened before F.A. and I arrived, but we had witnessed the kinetic storytelling of DIAVOLO before at Mariachi Plaza in Boyle Heights and the Mimoda Dance Studio.

I also missed James Panozzo of LAUNCH LA that organizes Tarfest every year and “believes exposure to the arts enhances quality of life and strengthens community through the shared appreciation of creative expression in all its forms and hybrids.” After talking to him at many events, I can tell you he is just as inviting as the celebrations of art that he ignites in Los Angeles.

— Q.D. from Culver City, CA

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F.A. about to peek into the atrium of the George C. Page Museum

Ξ

Art and magic are no different. But we are.

tamil_om

We wrote the 5 mysteries.

We’re from another world.

I Thinkspace Therefore I Am

We love many art galleries in Los Angeles. And Thinkspace is one of them. I can say that for all of us. If you want to get all post office on me, Thinkspace Gallery is in Culver City—yes—and the art scene is quite alive here. Years ago, I discovered that truth at Scion Space during an exhibition by James Jean. That was my gateway gallery, and I’ve since been a heroin addict of contemporary art.

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Will you start snorting Banksy? You’ll only know if you start going. Although I can’t deliver your first hit of art gallery, I can share these videos—that are less than a minute—during the opening night of Bruxism by Allison Sommers and 彷徨 / Wander by Ozabu at Thinkspace.

You see now. Not all galleries are about art dealers and monocles. And not all artists understand that magic and art are synonymous. But we do.

— Q.D. from Culver City, CA

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Art and magic are no different. But we are.

tamil_om

We wrote the 5 mysteries.

We’re from another world.

Rasputin never emailed

Friday, I saw an army of amputees in Pershing Square.

They were coming my way while I was drinking coffee. The only thing I could think of was that I had signed up to be an extra for some horror movie, and I’d forgotten. I forget things sometimes. Ask my locksmith.

“I should run,” my left brain said.

“I should see what happens when they get here,” my right brain said.

Fatal fascination, you win this time. I stayed there, sipping coffee, watching the amputees get closer. They were all ages and ethnicities, but the one thing uniting them was their missing forearms and their heads that bowed forward.

As the sun turned up its “fuck you” dial, my skin started cooking, and as the army got nearer, I started seeing the army was not made of amputees but ordinary Angelenos with full-length arms—all folded in half and raising a cell phone. I had perceived their focus on their phones as bowing, and that might have been just as true, for their devotion to their devices.

“Thank you for being here on time,” said a woman sitting next to me.

My heart skipped a beat but I contained my surprise. She wasn’t there a second ago.

“I’m not sure why we couldn’t do this over email,” I said.

“Did Rasputin use email?” Disappointment colored her tone.

“Well, I don’t really like it here.”  

“Hmmm,” she said and glanced at everyone and then at me. I took more than a few glances at her legs that were more slender than mine and her skin that was ivory. I had once wanted straight blond hair like hers decades ago when none of the princesses I saw in books had my afro.

“We don’t want his name mentioned in emails. That’s why we’re meeting,” the woman said and opened up William Butler Yeats’s Mythologies. Letters were circled all over the two-page spread—letters that spelled a city councilman’s name.

“Got it. Look. Is there any way we can move the assignment to another night?”

She gazed at me for a minute and smirked. “You want to make it to your art show.”

“That would be nice.”

“Funny. That’s not the business you’re in. Being nice. I’ll just pretend I didn’t hear your question. You’ll do what we agreed on—on the night we agreed on.” She snapped the book shut. “And we’ll quadruple your pay if he jumps off the Biltmore.”

The coffee in my stomach started chewing into my spine.

No, Lady, Liar, that’s why we’re meeting—you didn’t want to say this over email.

“You don’t have to decide just yet,” Lady Liar said sweetly as a policeman walked by. “Just think about not hustling for a while, and having more time for your art. It’s why you’re in LA, isn’t it?”

The night of my assignment, the Colony on Spring Street was exhibiting my work in a group show and featuring my piece, “I Don’t Drink Johnny Walk Her,” in the main exhibition hall, on the poster, on social media, and on their weekly email. This was new for me—people paying this much attention to my art. Venus, the gallery manager, texted me that I should at least stop by and mingle for an hour.

I didn’t respond to Venus.

I showed up where I was paid to: a fundraiser at the Millennium Biltmore Hotel.

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My name was on the list at the door (as I was told it would happen), and I had no trouble accessing the rooftop (as I was told it would happen) and the councilman met me up there (as I was told it would happen).

He smiled for a moment and then his smile fell away as he took cautious steps to meet me. His hair whipped this way and that and looked onfire, as the wind assailed us, and his jacket fluttered as he gripped the bottom edges.

“I was told you have something for me,” he said.

I nodded and opened a mini wine bottle I’d brought with me in my purse. As I spilled merlot on the roof, I whispered:

brother Coyote, have a drink

prepare the man to carefully think

“Pardon me?” the councilman asked.

I leaned right and looked past his leg and he followed my eyeline until it reached Coyote a few feet behind him. Coyote stared into the man’s eyes. “I don’t understand,” his voice drifted.

“They say if a coyote crosses your path, it’s probably because you’re taking life too seriously, like that ballot measure you’re asking people to support,” I said and glanced at Coyote who hypnotized the councilman.

I walked closer to the edge of rooftop. Below on Olive Street, I saw couples hand in hand, groups of girls who had used too much hairspray, solo wanderers, businessmen with fast feet, and I saw my financial freedom—a broken body on the pavement—the price of coasting comfortably without working, years of just making art, no more dumpster diving and going to the LA food bank. It would just be another sentence to say out loud to this politician, catalyzed by the persuasion of Coyote.

I retreated from the edge and returned to the councilman and said, “And after you put some distance between yourself and the ballot measure…”

I looked at the edge.

I looked at Coyote.

I felt my heart knocking, looking for any way out except this one.

“…you’ll live longer if you leave this city.” The words I really meant to say came out, because they were the words I’d been wanting to say to myself.

The councilman took out his phone, called the LA Times reporter who had interviewed him last week, and rescinded his support of the ballot measure and even invented some reasons why.

“Thank you, Coyote. That will be all,” I said.

The animal stared at me and backpedaled into the shadows until I could no longer see his amber eyes.

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The following week, the news confirmed the councilman denouncing the ballot measure, Venus also asked me to leave the Colony. She only exhibited artists willing to show up for their career and that included connecting to the people who believed in them. She said I was absent in that relationship, that art was more than a solitary pursuit, that it was channeling something beyond the five senses of a person.

Friday, I returned to the same bench in Pershing Square. The Angelenos roamed again, their lives remote-controlled by the phones in their hands. Once more, Lady Liar materialized without a sound. Her nails had been recently done and were crimson candy shells in daylight.

“My employer is willing to pay ten times what you earned last week,” she said.

“I won’t go that far.”

“You haven’t even heard the offer.” She smiled. “He wants you to teach him the thing you do. That’s all.”

“But that’s not really for sale,” said a man sitting next to us.

He too had somehow arrived here without being noticed.

Lady Liar’s eyes bloomed and she grabbed her high heel pumps and dashed barefoot out of the square.

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I turned to her source of fright and only saw a thirtysomething Asian guy with messy hair, his hands patiently clasped in his lap. He watched her run without pleasure or astonishment. A pigeon landed nearby and he gave it the same regards.

“Should I be scared of you?” I asked dully.

“Never,” he said.

“Then why is she?”

“I’m a friend of Coyote.”

“He has friends?” I asked.

“Not many. Probably because he eats kittens. Anyway he told me about you, said I should check out your art.”

“My art? Why?”

“I know what an artist can do when I see their art.”

“It doesn’t matter. I’m not in a gallery anymore.”

“And you think that means you’re not an artist?” He looked worried for the first time. “All right then. Join the rest of these robots.” He gestured to the people around us with his palm. “Start believing that the only thing you are is what people tell you.”

“The hell do you want?” I stood up.

“For you to make art,” he said softly. “For you to explore your other abilities, not sell them to just anyone.”

“You’re asking for a lot.” Clouds parted and the sun stabbed my eyes. I put up my hand to block it and the man was gone, but in the palm of my hand was a date, a time, a location, and a name—Galen Gorry—all written in black ink. I didn’t know exactly where this place was but knew it was somewhere in the Arts District. I made my way out of Pershing Square, thumbing the details into my phone, blending in with the rest of amputees.

— W.R. from West Adams, Los Angeles

Ξ

Art and magic are no different. But we are.

tamil_om

We wrote the 5 mysteries.

We’re from another world.

You have until Friday

“WHO CAN TELL YOU THE MOST ABOUT MAGIC?”

It was one of those text alerts you get from companies—without a 10-digit phone number to call back—only this didn’t sound like any company I knew. And I didn’t see an option to write “STOP” to cancel the SMS service.

“Galen Gorry,” I wrote back.

“NO.”

“I can hear you just fine without YOU YELLING.”

“NO. YOU’RE WEARING EARBUDS.”

A chill up my spine. I took out my earbuds and wrote, “STOP.”

But the stranger didn’t and instead wrote, “YOU HAVE UNTIL FRIDAY.”

“For?”

I stared at my phone for five minutes. No answer. I resumed retouching the photos I had taken of the Santa Fe Art Colony. A few months ago, I had submitted these to a contest for emerging artists. Now I was preparing them for my portfolio. It was Monday.

Tuesday morning, I drove through two hours of Hell “A” traffic to get to Smashbox Studios—where I do not work as an emerging artist but as a lightning technician for photo shoots—and right when I parked, I got a text alert: “YOU SHOULDN’T CUT OFF PEDESTRIANS LIKE THAT.”

What. The. Fuck. Ten minutes ago, I had turned right on National on a green light while this guy was on the crosswalk. I got pretty close. He slowed down or else I would have killed him. Anyway I was feeling pretty bad about it still, but also pretty creeped out now.

“WHO CAN TELL YOU THE MOST ABOUT MAGIC?” the stranger continued.

“You,” I replied.

“YOU HAVE UNTIL FRIDAY.”

I texted Mike and said I needed to talk to him after work.

But then around lunch, my boss swung by my desk and told me that if I stayed late to work on the Flaunt magazine shoot, I would be working as a photographer from now on. He had just fired the previous one, and he recognized how hard I was working as a lighting technician and knew I had camera skills. But if I didn’t take this promotion, he’d have to find someone else who would.

Half a sandwich was in my mouth, so he let me think about it. I reviewed the portraits of artists I took at the Santa Fe Art Colony. They weren’t expertly lit and the subjects didn’t have special wardrobe or makeup. But I preferred photographing this way ever since I studied Vittorio DeSica, an Italian neo-realist. I found magic in that rawness and authenticity, and none of that would be in the magazine shoot.

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I left work at my usual time, and at Mike’s downtown loft, we really didn’t talk until after he scratched an itch I had. I put my dress back on and said, “Didn’t you tell me Gorry was the guy who taught everyone magic?” Mike was panting and staring at the ceiling.

I poured myself to a glass of tequila and looked at some oil paintings, drying by the warehouse windows overlooking Santa Fe Ave. I sort of only liked one of them, and that’s sort of one reason Mike and I stopped seeing each other. Sort of. He also never had any limes for tequila.

“He doesn’t teach magic,” Mike said. “He helps you accept it, once you realize you’ve had it all along.”

“You know magic?” I grinned.

“What do you call what we just did?”

Friday, 8:52 a.m. I left my boss a voicemail that I wasn’t feeling well. It wasn’t a complete lie. My knees were red and raw because I couldn’t stop scratching them in between cigarette drags (I emptied my ashtray twice last night). I turned on my coffeemaker and thumbed through people’s posts, until my phone shook and the screen lit up with “WHO CAN TELL YOU THE MOST ABOUT MAGIC?”

My heart thundered and I typed in the four letters I’d been thinking of all night: “I can.”

“YES. NOW GET SOME SLEEP. YOU’LL NEED IT.”

“For?”

“YOUR FIRST MEETING WITH GALEN GORRY.”

“I’m not ready for that,” I wrote back and I stared at my phone for five minutes, but there was no reply.

— F.A. from North Hollywood, CA

Ξ

Art and magic are no different. But we are.

tamil_om

We wrote the 5 mysteries.

We’re from another world.